Over the last year or so I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the idea of fear and what it means to me.
In this reflection I made a choice that I wanted to reach a point in my life where I operated out of excitement, love, intention but I didn’t want to be a person that always made decisions based on fear.
I’m sure I’m not alone, but I’ve always had a suffocating fear when it comes to what people think of me and failure. There’s been so many things in life I have held myself back from because I was afraid of judgement and I’m terrified of the idea of failure.
I’ve always been incredibly shy and terrified of putting myself out there in any capacity. There’s been points in my life where this fear of judgement and fear of failure has felt completely debilitating to me. In university one of my finals was a presentation I had to give in front of the class. I purposely didn’t show because I couldn’t fathom the idea of speaking in front of 30 people. Naturally, I failed that class and had no one to blame but myself. Of course this is just one example and looking back, I recognize that a lack of passion about what I was learning played a big role in this, but this is a prime example of how I let fear get in the way.
One of the things I love about the internet is the opportunity to connect with some truly beautiful people. Around 4 years ago (actually to the month) I came across Ange Peters, founder of Hol:Fit on youtube and instantly felt a connection with her. Our stories aligned in so many ways (pursuit of a healthy lifestyle after both our fathers had died from Cancer) that I just couldn’t help but reach out to her via email and I’m so glad I did. Ange has been one of my go-to resources for inspiration in my life and the value she has added to my life is immeasurable. Through her I’ve been introduced to many others that continue to inspire me and challenge who I am as a person. I’ve watched her business with essential oils grow right from the very beginning and with her success she somehow continues to just get better and better.
This might seem like this post is turning into a bit of a love letter, but that’s ok, I’m all for sharing gratitude for the great people in my life. I kind of knew it would when I started this post because I had a moment yesterday where all the dots started to line up for me.
Fast forward from the person who would stop dead in their tracks because of fear and felt stuck and stagnant wishing for more to someone who now pushes through their fears because they know it’s always worth it. Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking to a group about nutrition for kids. Despite my nerves I got up and did it anyways because it’s a topic I’m passionate about and I’ve had people like Ange teach me the value of pursuing what matters to you and pushing through your fear.
Yesterday morning before I met the group I was full of anxiety. I put on some of my favourite essential oil blend and put on an old periscope of Ange’s to help ease my nerves and I was overwhelmed by the feeling of gratitude I had for her when I realized all of the tools I have now to push through moments like this.
My definition of both fear and failure have changed considerably and while I still get anxious and full of self doubt, I now recognize that those feelings come to me when I’m dealing with something that truly matters to me and I want to be able to do it justice. I feel so passionate about delivering the message of a healthy lifestyle that yes, it caused me anxiety but it just proves to me how important it is to me. I’ve never been someone with amazing self confidence but I can see now how pushing through these moments of fear play into building that confidence up and why failure is just a part of the journey.
Let’s be honest, I probably sounded like a babbling idiot for the first 10 minutes of my talk, but the point is that I got up there and did it when a few years ago I was too afraid to even start a blog because I wasn’t sure what people would think.
I look back and feel a great sense of sadness for the little girl who was too afraid to try out for soccer and volleyball because she was too afraid of failing and not making the team, and all the other countless moments I held myself back because of fear. However in this moment and this point in my life, I am grateful for the growth that I have experienced and for people like Ange who constantly push boundaries and call on us to be better.
Fear and failure still have their places in my life, but in changing my perspective of them I’ve in turn taken the power away from them and given it back to me. I still have my moments. In fact this very blog post calls on me to make the conscious choice to disregard that “What will people think?” feeling that is so familiar to me and just post anyways because I think it’s a message worth sharing. I think it’s so important to recognize growth and of course to be grateful for those that have supported us along the way.
Check out Ange and learn what she is about: http://www.hol-fit.com